phedredelaunay

Willy

While Hannibal was gone, Phedre went and spoke to Alcuin. He was in and out of consciousness, though it seemed not to be the injury but more whatever pain medication House had given him. He'd said something about Willy, and Phedre was certain that Hannibal wasn't going to send word to him, so after she left she went over to the inn herself.

It was evening by then, and Willy was easy to find. She ordered a glass of wine out of politeness to the establishment, so that she could wait until his song was over. It wasn't as if there was a rush at this point.

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Alcuin was going to find out; Hannibal was certain of this. He wasn't sure he wanted to hide it from him. But he did know that he would have to have a better hold on the boy if he did find out.

"I did. I wanted to be there. In fact, I will miss you, if you go back to sleep in your own rooms tonight."

Alcuin went still. “But… Why? I’m fine now.”

"I liked having you there," Hannibal replied simply. And truthfully.

"Oh," said Alcuin. "I'm... not sure what to make of that." He was a bit at a loss. "Are you - lonely?"

"I care for you," Hannibal admitted, "More than I should."

Alcuin wasn't dense. He knew what Hannibal must be saying.

"Why now?" he asked bluntly. "Just because you thought I was dying? Or is it something else?"

"Because you're a free man. Because I thought I lost you - to death... or to Willy," Hannibal admitted. All quite true. "Because you're older now and because apparently both Phedre and Greg already knew and have been telling me I should act on what I feel. Even Willy did." That wasn't quite true in the sense that Hannibal could have kept it to himself perfectly. But it was in his interest here admit to these influences.

This was all so sudden, and unexpected, and...

Willy. He'd offered to make Hannibal fall in love with him.

He knew that it probably wasn't likely, but it was enough to make him doubt, on top of everything else. Including, as Hannibal said, being a free man.

He was torn on what to say, but finally told the truth. " I think I've loved you for years," he said, and put down his spoon. "But right now, I just... I need to think."

Hannibal nodded, a little disappointed. "I understand."

"The feelings are not sudden, if you were wondering. But you know I am not prone to act on emotion."

The fact that he mentioned both Greg and Phedre did lend support to the idea that this was not some sudden magic from Willy. And well. He could always just ask Phedre.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "This - this is not what I imagined I would feel." Maybe it was Willy. Maybe it was almost dying because of something Hannibal had pushed him to do. Or maybe it was just because this felt like how things had always been with Hannibal. The expectation that Alcuin would do exactly as was expected of him. Stay in my room now. That was it, businesslike.

Maybe it wasn't fair of him. But he knew what actual romance felt like now.

"Well, as I said; you're a free man. I will leave it to you to do as you will," Hannibal replied. He didn't push the hurt out of his voice entirely.

Alcuin opened his mouth, then closed it again, and then nodded.

He should say something else, he thought. He should do something. Kiss him, maybe. What was he thinking? Wasn't this what he wanted?

But in the end, he just lingered awkwardly for a moment, the conflict very clear on his face, and then... walked away.

Hannibal watched him go. He was aware that it may have been too late and that perhaps he had misjudged Alcuin and that he was less frailt and insecure than he gathered.

He sat back down to finish his breakfast. Halicon had quite a delicious taste; the kill had been swift and the meat was quite sweet still.

A few minutes later, Phedre walked in.

"Alcuin seems awfully upset for someone who was just saved from the brink of death," she said.

"A lot has changed for him," Hannibal said and without asking if she wanted breakfast, filled a plate for her. "He's a free man, healed, but scarred, Willy left him, I told him I care for him, Halicon has been found dead... it's a lot to deal with." He said, conversationally, filling the bowl with soup and slipping his own confession amidst the summation.

Phedre blinked at him, trying to decide where to start.

She sat down at the table. Okay, fine, she did know what she was most curious about. "You told him you care for him?"

"Yes," Hannibal admitted. "These past days have made me realise I do while he's no longer near death... The urge to say it remained."

"Well I take it he didn't throw himself into your arms," Phedre said.

She was somewhat surprised by this, but at the same time... also not really.

"... No," Hannibal said only, feeling quite hurt at that.

"Well I think that if you want that to change you ought to figure out why," Phedre said. "Or do you already know?"

"I said; there is a lot he's going through at the moment," Hannibal repeated. There were others things, too, of course, but he did not say.

Phedre hmmmmed. Then said, “But… also Willy left him?” So that meant it wasn’t that…

"Yesterday" Hannibal replied. "I suppose that was still fresh on his mind. Perhaps I should not have confessed this morning, but I... didn't want him to leave."

Phedre looked at him for a long moment and then said, "And until the day before yesterday, he couldn't have. I know how you've felt about him for a long time, Hannibal. But he hasn't. And the timing... you can see how it might seem less like romance and more like a means of control."

"He told me he didn't want to leave my employ," Hannibal replied. "I merely added I wanted him by me side. But I'll arrange flowers. Would that help?"

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